Last Friday was Colin’s last day at work before starting a shiny new job on Monday. This meant it was inevitable that a pub trip would occur. It did. The pub in question was the Maypole, renowned for nice pasta and, my personal favourite, nice pie. It is also renowned for replacing loo roll quite quickly upon request in the ladies. Anyway, we went there.

The pasta and pie were all delicious, the toilets were sadly lacking in cleanliness in one cubicle at first, then later, both cubicles and also lacking in toilet roll and soap. These all got sorted out later by the marvellous bar staff. In the meantime, I discovered that there’s an upstairs and an upstairs loo that was in near complete darkness with the door shut, but it was clean and there was loo roll and soap. All these toilet shenanigans led to a conversation about wipers, nesters and hoverers.

Moving away from the toiletries, the night progressed in a fun way, with virtually-teetotal Ian drinking a Baileys, and The Whittles turning up with his friend and colleague, Steve, who sounded a bit like Hooliannnnn! the way he said things sometimes. Oh, and I had two shots of La Chica tequila for some reason. Seemed like a good idea at the time.

On Saturday, I was oddly chipper, and dragged poor Colin, who wasn’t, to town so he could get some new breeks for his new job. The rain got heavier and heavier, so we got soaked. We decided on the Grafton Centre, partly because of its indooriness, and set about going mad buying stuff for Colin. Because he was wet from the rain, he decided not to bother trying on the breeks. This was an unfortunate decision, given that he was so deluded about his size. He decided it was time for a new diet and exercise regime. I decided to join in because I’ve spent too long being lazy and greedy. This didn’t stop us ordering pizza for tea. The diet would start on Sunday.

On Sunday, Colin went for a run and I did my exercise video. The rain had gone away, so I decided it was about time the leylandii got seen to. If I had my way, I’d uproot them, but as it is, I can only cut them back. They’ve got very tall recently. So, I set about with the shears for the side bit, then climbed up the step-ladder to do the high-up bits and the top bit. I discovered that the stems were actually trunks and I’d need a bigger tool. I used my little garden saw. I hacked away at it, removing gallons of leylandii, whilst clinging on to what was left of it for dear life. Colin started putting the bit I’d sheared off into the green wheelie bin, which filled up surprisingly rapidly. There was no room for the little Christmas tree-sized chunks I was cutting off the top. They’re all still in a pile – the binman doesn’t come till next Friday for the green bins! Anyway, I noticed I had some kind of cut/rash combination going on on my forearms. That’s what happens when you don’t wear long sleeves when cutting leylandii – the sap is an allergen. Now the internet tells me… My hands are ok because I was wearing gloves, which is something. I decided to stop gardening at that point.

Instead, I bathed my arms in the bathroom sink, hopefully washing out all the sap nastiness. They were itchy for the rest of the day, but seem to be getting better every day. Now there’s just scratchy marks on them.

On Monday, my poor calf muscles were aching from the exercise video, which I did again that morning, and my back, arms and shoulders from the leylandii, and my arms were still a bit itchy. Not a good day. Colin started his new job. Noticed the leylandii hedge is rather gappy.

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categories: Life and Stuff
tags: breaking things, buying things, Colin, gardening, pubs, work